Cedar and Lorena exchanged notes, Cedar shared their name; Lorena didn’t. But Lorena did sign off with the first letter of her name so, to Cedar, the stranger on the other side of the notes was simply L. Thoughts about what that L could stand for occupied Cedar’s mind as they walked into Bears & Beans.
“Cedar! What’s up? How are you?” Maeby greeted cheerily, waving at Cedar.
As Cedar walked to where Maeby was standing behind the register, they smiled easily and replied, “I’m good, what about you? How’s the business here? Better now that all the students are back?”
“Yep! If I’m being honest, half-asleep students are really our main source of income, so thank god school’s started again. The regular?” Cedar gave a nod, and Maeby entered the order into the tablet. “How are art sales?”
Cedar stopped smiling. They hadn’t made a single new sale since the school semester started. It was both humiliating and painful to think about. Still, Cedar managed to feign a tight smile. “It’s going okay. I just need to build up my portfolio before I can make more sales, you know?”
“Mhm. $3.50.”
After paying for the coffee and chatting with Maeby about their classes for a bit, Cedar wrapped both hands around the warm coffee cup as they walked out of the coffee shop and headed toward the art museum. They knew it wasn’t any good for them to think about their art sales or future, and, frankly, they would rather romanticize a future with a stranger than face the truth.
Was it worrying that Cedar was starting to imagine running away with this stranger? That they were imagining leaving everything behind and starting a new life, one without responsibilities, burdens, or worries, with L? Well, at least it was only all imagination that faded away into oblivion as reality resurfaced again and again, like waves washing up against an ocean shore.
But as Cedar sat down in front of the painting of the almond blossoms, they allowed themselves to imagine that the almond blossoms on the paper were in their hands and that they were sitting in a grassy meadow with the faceless stranger by their side. They had no clue who L was, but the thought of spending a lifetime with L didn’t seem all that bad, compared to being a failed artist.
Just as they had finished drawing the almond blossoms, Cedar suddenly remembered that they had yet to check if L had left them a note. They reached under the bench and grinned as they felt the familiar feeling of the paper that L used to write notes.
This time, the note simply said, Take a look at your art sales – L.
Quickly taking out their phone, Cedar opened up the website where they had set up their shop and gasped when they saw that every single art piece listed for sale had been bought by an anonymous person — L, no doubt. Cedar turned off their phone and walked out of the museum with the shining smile still stretched across their face.
When they returned to their dorm, Cedar prepared all their art pieces to be shipped. The address of the anonymous buyer was an old apartment in France that, curiously, didn’t have any information about who was currently living there. Cedar certainly didn’t have the resources to plan an impromptu vacation to France and investigate who the peculiar L was.
Later that night, Cedar had to call their parents. Well, they didn’t have to, but, as their parents’ only child, Cedar figured that they at least owe it to their parents to call weekly.
Cedar’s parents picked up on the first ring, and Cedar’s mother’s delighted face appeared on the screen of Cedar’s laptop. “Cedar! How are you? I miss you very much.”
“I know, mom. You always say that,” Cedar retorted, no malice in their voice.
“It’s true. We both miss you very much,” Cedar’s father remarked, wrapping an arm around Cedar’s mother’s shoulders. “What have you been up to lately?”
“Well, uh, just studying for classes.” Remembering L, the buyer, Cedar paused and added, “Actually, somebody just bought a ton of art from my art store!”
“Really? That’s awesome! Look at you, being successful, just like we knew you would.” Cedar’s mother seemed so elated by the news, and Cedar’s heart cracked slightly as they realized that this might have been the only time they had made their parents proud.
Without L, they wouldn’t have accomplished something they had been longing for. Somehow, it didn’t feel as fulfilling, knowing that there was only one person (aside from their parents) out there supporting them when they had imagined selling out all their art to a crowd of admirers. Holding back a sigh, Cedar thought to themselves, It’s just wishful thinking, like all your other wild fantasies about being a successful artist or running away with L or whatever you think about to avoid thinking about your destined failure.
“We knew that you’d be successful! Look at you go,” Cedar’s dad proudly remarked, and the dull aching in Cedar’s heart grew even more intense. Cedar’s parents hadn’t ever outlined their expectations for Cedar, but they had never made their parents smile as widely as they were now, after years of attempting to sell art. “A lot of kids — sorry, people — your age are starting to get jobs. Remember Mako? I was talking with his dad the other day and apparently, he just graduated college and landed a job at a fancy start-up biotechnology company. It seems like everybody’s right where they should be,”
“You’re right. Everybody’s right where they should be.” Cedar continued in their mind, And I’m going to be stuck like this for the rest of my life.
