The day Cedar found L’s life-changing note was the day the painting of the vase with gladioli and lilac had been stolen, right after Cedar finished drawing it. Just three days before the end, the impending termination of the exhibit loomed unavoidably above Cedar as they walked into the museum. They found a bundle of lilacs and a note under the bench facing a painting of pink roses, and they opened the note, expecting to see that L was bidding them farewell. Instead, Cedar found that L wrote:
There’s a field of lilacs in Provence, France that has lilacs that are as beautiful as the ones you have drawn. Would you like to go with me to Provence so we can visit this field of lilacs and start our new future together? I have everything prepared. Just say the word and we can run away together.
What? Was L being serious? Did L expect that Cedar would quickly drop everything and start a new life with them?
Cedar scribbled out a reply, explaining that they would decide by the time they finished drawing for the day. Despite spending hours in the museum and even almost finishing the drawing of the pink roses that day, though, Cedar still hadn’t made up their mind. So they left the museum without leaving a note for L, hoping L would understand that Cedar needed some time.
But Cedar was so uncertain as to what they should do that when they returned to their dorm room that night, they decided to consult Aaliyah, who was watching a new show on Netflix when Cedar entered. Cedar set their messenger bag on their bed and sighed loudly as they sat down on their bed. They stared at their knees for a moment, listening to the chatter of the characters in the show before they piped up, “Aaliyah, what if I ran away?”
The chatter stopped. Aaliyah spun around in her chair and faced Cedar with an astonished expression. “Are you crazy? No! You can’t run away. Do you even hear yourself? Where would you even go?”
Cedar couldn’t meet Aaliyah’s eyes as they shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe somewhere in France?”
“Cedar, you can’t just leave. You’re still enrolled here. What are you going to tell your parents? How are you going to get the money? I know you’re well-off, but I don’t think you have enough money to spontaneously plan to start a new life in France.” Cedar didn’t know how to respond, and Aaliyah, encouraged by the silence, continued, “See? I’m sorry, Cedar, but you know that it can’t happen.”
As Aaliyah turned around and the chatter started, Cedar mumbled quietly to themselves, “But it could.”
That night, Cedar struggled to fall asleep. They lay awake for hours, watching the shadows of the tree branches outside dance on the popcorn ceiling of the dormitory. Aaliyah was right about the absurdity of Cedar’s suggestion, but some part of Cedar was telling them they needed to take this risk.
It wasn’t until after Cedar’s morning literature the next day that Cedar finally made a choice.
Normally, Cedar would zone out as Professor Hunt droned on about The Odyssey, but as they were about to slip into another daydream, they suddenly heard Professor Hunt talk about running away and perked up, their interest piqued.
“Some people claimed that Odysseus wanted to run away because he wanted to explore what was out there. When he came back home, he was an outcast, which represents how his new adventurous life had consequences. But at the same time, if Odysseus had stayed, he would have never known what was out there.”
And then it hit Cedar. If they didn’t take the chance to go out exploring, even if they had to face consequences, they would never know what the future could hold for them.
Just as the professor finished speaking, the bell rang and all the students quickly gathered their belongings to leave. Instead of following everybody out the door, Cedar walked to the professor, watching the professor gather his papers. “Um, Professor Hunt?”
The professor glanced up, and Cedar took a deep breath and continued, “I just wanted to say that I think what you said about Odysseus going out to explore and stuff was really cool and it kind of helped me realize some things about what I want to do with my future, so thank you for that.”
“Well, Cedar, I’m glad it could help.” For the first time, Cedar finally saw Professor Hunt break into a smile.
~
Later that afternoon, Cedar stopped by the art museum like they usually did. But they didn’t stay in the exhibit for long; they only stopped by to drop off a note for L that simply read, “I want to run away with you.”
They knew L would leave them instructions the next day, but, in the meantime, they began packing. They played their favorite playlist in the background as they folded their clothes and neatly placed them in their luggage case. The rational part of their mind was chiding them, reminding them that they were making an irrational decision. But the fear and dread of confronting their future urged them to continue, knowing this was the first time they had felt alive in a long time.
Just like Cedar expected, the next day at the art museum, they found a note with instructions on running away and losing contact with everybody to avoid being caught. The best part of the note was the phrase “Tomorrow, we can finally run away together and start living the life you’ve always wanted”. Cedar kept the note neatly folded in their messenger bag and, with a knowing smile, finished the drawing of the roses, which they left on the bench for L.
The impact of Cedar’s decision had only hit them when they began deleting all their social media profiles the night before they had to leave. As they were deleting their Instagram account, Cedar suddenly thought to themselves, Oh my god. I’m really doing this.
They paused and stared at their empty closet, wondering what Aaliyah would say if she were here. Then, they shook their head, clearing the doubts that were starting to surface. I’m not going to start doubting myself again. This is the only decision I’m sure of, and I don’t want that to change.
So, Cedar followed through, thoroughly erasing their existence from the internet, and slept early that night, wanting to have enough energy to get through the upcoming adventure. Shockingly, that was the best night Cedar had ever slept soundly in ages.
When Cedar arrived at the art museum with their luggage by their side, just like L had instructed, they already knew that the yellow tape would be at the entrance and the painting of the roses would be gone. It was the last day of the exhibit, but Cedar figured that the police still had a duty to feign interest in a case they had no intention of looking into — something L and Cedar both could be thankful about.
As they turned away from the front of the museum, Cedar saw that a black car was pulling up to the sidewalk. Their heart began beating quickly, like the feet of a marathon runner pounding against the concrete, as the car door opened. Out stepped a brown, curly-haired woman wearing all black and a pair of sunglasses that she removed and placed on top of her head. Her eyes had a mischievous glint that stole Cedar’s breath right out of their mouth, and her lips were pursed in a small grin. As she walked toward Cedar, she held out a bundle of pink roses. Before Cedar could say anything, the woman said, “Lorena.”
“Hm?” Cedar stared at the woman with wide eyes as they accepted the bundle of flowers, their cheeks tinting a rosy pink.
“My name is Lorena. You told me your name, but I never told you mine. I’m L. Lorena.” Lorena’s smile widened, showing pearly white teeth. Lorena gestured for Cedar to follow her into the car as the man in the driver’s seat of the car got out and quickly picked up Cedar’s luggage to put in the trunk of the car.
As Cedar sat down in the backseat and securely fastened their seatbelt in place, they questioned, “So, we’re going to France, right?”
Lorena nodded, taking her sunglasses off her head and placing it in her lap. “That’s right.”
“What about after?”
“I don’t know,” Lorena mused, pausing for a moment. A small, amused smile slowly crept across her face as she continued, “I guess we’ll just go wherever life takes us next. But I have enough money to support us, and you can do art now without worrying about money. We’ll be okay.”
Oddly enough, Cedar believed Lorena. They would be okay, now that they had Lorena with them. So Cedar didn’t ask any more questions as the car drove away from the art museum. They just knew that wherever they would be going with Lorena, it would be better than a place where they were too busy worrying about their future to live in the moment or slow down to stop and smell the flowers.
