The house was busy. My parents were rushing to pack everything and get going on our annual vacation to Vietnam. My little sisters and cousins were running around, complaining they were taking too long. The dog was barking loudly as my aunt tried getting him into his cage. My uncle and adult cousin were yelling at each other for some reason. I don’t know. And meanwhile, I was all packed up, and sitting on the couch waiting for everyone to finish up. I didn’t say a word. They didn’t like me talking. So I sat there, silently.
“Mama, hurry up!” one of my sisters yelled.
“Okay, baby. Just wait a bit!” my mom yelled back angrily.
Sighing, I pulled out my phone. I fiddled around on Instagram for a little bit. God, everyone seemed so happy. High school was finally over, and we were all heading to university. They were all spending their last summer with each other at home, cherishing what they’d soon leave behind for their new lives. And here I was, going to Vietnam again. I should be happy. I’d be seeing my family again. But I wasn’t. I wanted to be with my friends, and hopefully even come out to them. But I’d never see them again because of this stupid vacation.
“Tina, what are you doing?” my dad yelled in Vietnamese. “Get in the car!”
I got in the car.
The loud yells of my family were now faraway muffles. It was quiet, a silence I tried to enjoy. I relaxed in my seat, looking out the window at all the junk in my garage. I closed my eyes, imagining the route to the airport. Normally we’d drive there, but the airport had recently been flooded in a rainstorm and had temporarily shut down. So we’d be going to an airport much farther away by train. I’d never been on a train before. I didn’t know what to think of it. But I guess I’d have to see.
Finally, my family spilled through the door and into the car, still as loud as ever. I sat up. My dad took his place at the driver’s seat, my mom right next to him. My sisters piled in next to me, bickering about something stupid. My aunt, uncle, and cousins got into the car right next to us. My mom turned to me.
“Tina, please shut them up. Play a game with them or something.”
I nodded. She turned back to my dad. I turned to my sisters.
“Hey guys, do you want to play a game?” I asked in my most older sibling voice. Angela, the younger of my sisters, immediately nodded. But Tiffany, the older one, shook her head violently.
“Not yet, Tina! Angela stole my Barbie doll and she won’t give it back!”
“I DID NOT!” Angela cried. “I JUST WANTED TO PLAY WITH HER FOR A MINUTE!”
As the car started up and began to back out of the driveway, I looked away. For a split second, my eyes met my mom’s. She looked disappointed. I quickly looked away, guilty. I’d play when they quieted down.
After about ten minutes of driving, Angela had reluctantly given the Barbie doll back to Tiffany. I tried starting a game of I Spy with them, but they weren’t interested. So we continued driving for another twenty minutes. I wanted to listen to music, but I knew my parents would yell at me if I even got on my phone. So I just watched the other cars on the highway, leaning my head against the window. It vibrated against my forehead, feeling a little uncomfortable, but I kept it there anyway. My gaze shifted from the road to the reflection of my sisters in the window, crossing their arms and looking away from each other. Then it shifted to me. I noticed that my hair was beginning to grow out. It was almost to my shoulders. My parents definitely wouldn’t let me cut it in Vietnam. I guess I’d have to wait almost the whole summer before I’d be able to cut it again. The thought made me shudder.
We finally pulled up to the train station. The five of us got out and began unloading our luggage. My aunt and uncle’s car pulled up next to us. We all rushed again, hurriedly asking each other if we had all our luggage. We got to the station and went through all the processes. Nothing ever went smoothly. Something always happened. Finally, we got to the waiting area for our platform.
I sighed and leaned against a nearby pillar. Tiffany was playing with her Barbie doll on a bench while Angela watched, much to her annoyance. My twin cousins Alex and Andy were on another bench playing on an iPad. Ethan, my older cousin, came over and leaned next to me.
“So, uh, are you excited?”
I inhaled, a little anxious. “Uh, I dunno, I mean, we do go to Vietnam every year-“
“No, I meant for college!”
I pursed my lips. I’d gotten into MIT after a brief waitlist period which freaked out my parents. I’d be studying computer science, which I was reluctant on, but everyone had convinced me to pursue it because I’d be following in Ethan’s footsteps. He was going to be in his final year at UC Berkeley when summer ended.
“Oh, uh, yeah! MIT’s pretty cool, I guess… It’s pretty far away, though…”
“Nah, you don’t need to worry about that. You can call and stuff, right? You shouldn’t need to worry about distance that much.”
His phone rang. He pulled it out. I saw a picture of a boy about Ethan’s age, but before I could read the name, he quickly hung up. He laughed quickly.
“Uh, that’s just my roommate. I don’t know why he’s calling, he knew I was going to be out.”
“…cool.”
We stood together in silence for a while.
“So Tiffany’s going to high school next year, right?”
“Yeah, it’s pretty crazy. She’s super excited. I’m glad I won’t be around to see her after her first day, though.”
He laughed. “Yeah, high school’s a jerk. I’m pretty sure Tiffany will fit in fine. She’s got a pretty good attitude about things and I think she’ll be happy adjusting. Heh, I still remember your first day. You cried a lot.”
I snorted. “Don’t remind me.”
I knew Ethan was right. Tiffany would be okay in high school, purely just because of how different she was from me. I was shy and reclusive, she was loud and outgoing. Teachers hated me, but they loved her. Other kids usually picked on me because of my hair and fashion choices, but Tiffany was very conventionally attractive. So she’d be a lot happier than me.
I don’t know why, but that made me feel empty. I looked at Tiffany, who was still annoyed by Angela touching her doll. At my mom, happily chatting with her sister, my uncle, playing with the twins, and my dad, laughing at a video on his phone. They all seemed so much happier than I ever was. And as long as I lived with them, I knew I’d never be able to truly be myself.
I turned back to Ethan. But he was gone, on the phone a bit distant from us. He seemed happy too. I looked away, at the ground. I wasn’t going to cry. It was nothing to be sad about. It was just life. Sometimes you’re born into a family that just fundamentally doesn’t match with who you are.
I looked up, blinking the tears from my eyes. As they cleared away, I began to walk away from my family to wander around a little. It wouldn’t hurt just to get some air.
As I walked to the snack stand, someone bumped into me from behind. I stumbled forward a bit.
“Ah!” I cried. I looked behind me. “Uh, I’m sorry, I-“
“Why are you apologizing?” she asked.
I froze. She was my age, wearing a dark black hoodie and a face mask. Behind her head, I could see a long blonde braid with streaks of brown. Her eyes were a deep grey, small but filled with lots of sparkles. She was wearing a huge backpack and seemingly had no suitcase.
“Uh, I-“
“It’s fine.”
She extended her hand.
“Where to?”
I took her hand. “Um, San Diego. We’re going to the airport there for our flight to Vietnam, since, uh, the airport here is flooded- uh- what about you?”
“Wherever you’re going, I guess.”
“Huh-“
I noticed we were still holding hands. I quickly pulled mine back.
“Well, uh, nice to meet you, bye!”
I quickly hurried away. I felt bad, but I didn’t know what to do. I sat at a bench near a walkway, hoping she wouldn’t notice me. I plugged in my earbuds to listen to music. Slowly, I began to calm down. I relaxed as I listened to my favorite film tunes, my breathing stabilizing. I sighed in relief.
Then she sat next to me.
I felt someone sitting next to me on the bench. Slowly I looked over, then immediately looked away.
“Hi, I’m Megan. What’s your name?”
I turned to her, slowly. She’d taken off her mask and her hoodie was down, fully revealing her blonde braid. She was smiling. Her eyes sparkled like a thousand stars. Slowly, I began to turn more towards her.
Could I actually do it? It’s not like I’d see her again after today. Maybe if I told one stranger, then I’d slowly be able to tell everyone else I wanted. I sighed, looked right at her, and turned my mouth into an unsteady smile.
“I’m Ty.”
