Beep. Beep. Bee-
“Shit,” Vanessa groaned, slamming her fingers against her phone to shut off the alarm. She grabbed her glasses, squinting as she looked at the window. The motel’s thin curtains were doing a terrible job of blocking out the afternoon sunlight.
Yes, it was three in the afternoon, and Vanessa needed an alarm to wake her up from her three-hour nap. To be fair, she woke up at 5 in the morning earlier that day to drive an hour to a nearby mountain to watch the sunrise and meditate in the calm (but really, really cold) morning mist, exactly like how her self-improvement book had instructed.
Her new Fort Lupton lifestyle had certainly taken some getting used to. Having grown up in a big city, she was accustomed to living every moment on the edge of her seat, constantly working and constantly trying to prove her worth to others and herself. When this unstable and unhealthy mindset collapsed, Vanessa opted to completely change her lifestyle, slowing her life down to a point where she hadn’t written a single line of code since she had arrived in Fort Lupton — an astonishing change of pace compared to when she would stay up until 4 am in college to finish working on her coding projects.
As she slipped on a pair of jeans and brushed her hair, Vanessa decided that this new way of life wasn’t so bad. She liked napping in the afternoon, sleeping before midnight, and doing whatever the hell she wanted without wondering what other people would think of her. Even if it was all temporary, it didn’t make it feel any less real.
The hotel phone suddenly rang, knocking Vanessa out of her thoughts. Groggily picking up the phone, she answered, “Hello?”
“Hi, Van.” Minnie’s hushed but urgent voice came through the phone. “Um, I’m so sorry to bother you, but my boss is acting weird and I think he’s pissed off, so I can’t leave to pick up Jo from school just because I don’t want to risk it. I usually drop her off at my parents’ house since they don’t drive anymore so I was wondering if you could pick her up? I can give you the address of Jo’s school and the house when you stop by the front desk on your way out.”
Despite being in a post-nap haze, Vanessa didn’t think twice before replying, “Yeah! I’ll head out right now.”
“Thank you so much.” Minnie hurriedly hung up with a click.
Turning to face the mirror, Vanessa gave herself a once-over — well, she looked put-together enough to head out. She grabbed her phone and keys, slipped on her sneakers, and walked out to the front lobby. The hallway’s wooden floorboards squeaked under her weight with every step she took, a friendly reminder that the whole place could fall apart at any given moment.
“Here’s your message, ma’am,” Minnie announced, holding out a blue Post-It note. Over her shoulder, her manager, a middle-aged, bald man with his face frozen in frustration, flashed her a suspicious look but luckily didn’t bother to investigate. As Vanessa took the paper, Minnie mouthed a silent but expressive Thank you to which Vanessa responded with a subtle smile.
She typed in the address of Jo’s school while she walked to her car parked in the spacious lot. The car started and email notifications from the companies she had contacted about jobs popped up on her phone screen; grimacing, Vanessa swiped the pop-ups away. That was a problem for her future self to worry about.
With the phone precariously pushed up against one of those plastic phone holders suctioned to the dashboard, Vanessa allowed the automated voice to direct her to her destination. As she drove through the town she noticed that she was starting to recognize some of the houses: the yellow house with a large duck floaty lying on the front lawn, the grey house with two identical cars parked in its driveway. The growing familiarity of Fort Lupton warmed Vanessa’s heart; it was starting to feel a little like home.
By the time she arrived at the school, there were only a handful of kids still waiting at the pick-up curb at the front of the school, including Jo, who was fidgeting with a small wind-up toy.
As she pulled up next to the curb, Vanessa rolled down her window and waved to Minnie’s daughter. “Jo! I’m here to pick you up. Your mom couldn’t make it today.”
Recognizing Vanessa, Jo waved goodbye to the teacher accompanying the waiting students before eagerly sprinting over to Vanessa’s car, clearly relieved that she wasn’t going to be the last kid left. As Jo buckled up in the backseat, Vanessa asked, “So, how was school today?”
“It was good! We made some thumbprint art!” Jo exclaimed, unzipping her backpack to show Vanessa a flower, created entirely by grubby purple and pink thumbprints, in the rear-view mirror. On the way to Minnie’s parents’ house, Jo chatted away about her project and how she deliberately chose colors that matched, and Vanessa found herself admiring the energy that this young child had.
Although kids always seemed to love her and she wanted to be a parent, Vanessa never seriously considered taking care of a child herself, knowing that working in a STEM industry meant that she wouldn’t have much leniency with mother-related duties. But, with how easily Jo had brightened her day just by talking about her time at school, Vanessa began wondering if that path she always figured she’d venture on was truly meant for her.
As Vanessa parked her car next to the driveway of Jo’s grandparents’ house, only a ten-minute drive from the school, she grinned, “Well, this is our stop! See you soon, Jo.”
“Thank you! Bye!” Jo called over her shoulder as she unbuckled, got out of the car, and joyfully skipped towards her grandparents’ house.
An old lady, presumably her grandmother, opened the door and glanced at Vanessa’s car suspiciously. Fortunately, Jo tugged on her hand and gestured to the car, probably explaining the situation. Upon understanding, the lady broke into a grateful smile and waved to Vanessa, who grinned back before driving away.
On her way back to the motel, Vanessa thought to herself: Is this Minnie’s way of inviting me into the family? I mean, I just checked off the “taking care of the kid” and “meeting the parents” boxes all in one trip. What’s the next step? Taking our relationship to the next level?
She chuckled aloud to herself and shook her head. No way that that’s happening any time soon. I can’t get that hopeful.
As Vanessa pulled into the parking lot of the motel, she noticed Minnie heading out of the lobby and pulling out a pack of cigarettes from her pocket, her frame sagging with enervation. She turned off the ignition and grabbed her phone off the dashboard, her eyes following Minnie’s hands as they yanked a cigarette from the box.
“Mind if I…?” Vanessa began as she approached, gesturing to the cigarettes, and Minnie handed her one, holding out a lighter to light the one she pressed between her lips and then the one in Vanessa’s hand.
As Vanessa blew out a breath of smoke, she wondered out loud, “You totally don’t have to answer this, but have you ever thought about where you would have ended up if your life was different? Like, I know you wanted to go to college, but what did you want to do after?”
Minnie inhaled and removed the cigarette from her lips for a moment as she contemplated the question. Finally, she shrugged and answered, “I always wanted to do something with education. I’ve always loved learning and reading, so I think maybe I would have been a teacher or something. I love kids too, so I guess I’d work at an elementary school.”
As she glanced out at the darkening sky, she paused for a moment, smiling at the thought of leaving behind the musty lobby of the motel to work in a bright elementary school classroom full of hopeful children eagerly soaking in the words she wrote in bright marker. Then, once school finished, Minnie would be able to take Jo directly home without having to worry about having her parents take care of her while Minnie finished up the last hours of her shift. And maybe she could move to another town, into a house with a front lawn and a backyard where she could build a swingset for Jo.
Exhaling, Minnie flicked her cigarette, watching some ashes drift onto the cold concrete like snow. “But, uh, I think that even though I’m not where I want to be, it’s not like I would change things if it meant I had to lose Jo. She means everything to me, and honestly, if I have her in my life, I can find a little bit of joy every day.”
She quieted as a car full of college-age students singing loudly to some pop song like there was no tomorrow zoomed by. God, what she’d give to be as young as them again. In reality, she was probably only a few years older than them, but she felt like she was decades ahead of them.
“You know, I admire you a lot,” Vanessa earnestly admitted before taking a drag from her cigarette, her cheeks hollowing as the smoke entered her lungs.
Minnie smiled as she stubbed her cigarette out against the brick wall. The flickering embers despondently drifted down to the ground, dying next to her dirty sneakers. “Thanks, I guess. But I don’t know if I’m worth looking up to. Most of the time, I’m just trying to survive.”
“‘Sometimes survival is a form of rebellion.’ Ada Limón, a poet, said that once,” Vanessa quoted, dropping her cigarette on the sidewalk and crushing it with her heel. “I think you surviving is just proof that you’re more than just the changes life throws your way. These past few days… I feel like for the first time in my life, I have something worth surviving for. You’ve shown me what it’s like to have so much compassion to give to a world that doesn’t seem to return that care, and I just really… I think you’re really incredible.”
Her surprisingly raw confession floated in the air in wisps of fading smoke, and her cheeks grew rosy as the air chilled, though Minnie suspected there was another reason for it. As Vanessa looked at her, Minnie saw the moonlight reflected in her pupils, the shining silver contrasting the warm hazel like iron teardrops on the dirt of the bare earth. And, before she could lose her nerve, Minnie placed a hand on Vanessa’s cheek and kissed her.
Vanessa tasted like smoke — no surprise there — and the kiss was far from perfect, but it felt incredibly comforting. It felt like home. Minnie had once thought that she experienced true love, but there was no way that could have been true love because her lips were on Vanessa’s, her heart was pounding, and she felt invincible. She never felt like this before. How had she ever been alive before this?
When they finally parted to catch their breaths, Minnie broke into a stupidly wide grin as she chuckled, “So you think I’m incredible?”
“Shut up.” Their lips collided again, and Minnie stopped talking.
