I was supposed to do my oral story today. I didn’t prepare. I had my story ready, sure, but I hadn’t really practiced it out loud in front of anyone. But today was the day, and I had to do this.
When the bell rang, I walked up to the front of the class with my paper. Everyone stared directly into my eyes with unblinking, stoic faces. Nervous, I began to read.
But oh no! I accidentally packed my scroll of dark curses instead of my oral story! Before I realized it, I’d read out the first curse in reverse Latin.
At first, the students looked at each other, confused. Was this part of the story? But soon, their eyes and mouths began to bleed out a thick, black ink. The room was filled with blood-curdling screams as they all got up and began to run around aimlessly like an unfunny cartoon.
But of course, it was too late, and the ink began to consume them. I watched as it spilled out of every pore in their skin, weaving its way through until all the students had collapsed into a giant, disgusting puddle of goo.
And throughout all of this, I could only stare. What just happened? I looked down at the paper I’d brought, and my stomach flipped. Whoopsie!
I turned around to look at my teacher. Yep, she was goo too. I quickly checked the fine print of the scroll, upside down at the very bottom in faint, tiny type.
“Any spell cast with this scroll is permanent and irreversible after warranty expires.”
I checked the warranty expiration date on the back. Best before 400 BC. I sighed. Time to go on the run to avoid manslaughter charges.
But as I began to turn it back around, something caught my eye. Right below the warranty expiration line, a bright white light shined in the sunlight coming in from the window. Invisible ink!
I grabbed the lighter my teacher kept on her desk for some reason, carefully making sure to avoid her icky remains. I flicked it on underneath the thin parchment and watched as the rickety handwriting became more visible.
“But if you really, REALLY screw up, call the number below, and we’ll give you a complimentary curse reversal kit! Conditions apply.”
And right under that, a single letter: 7.
Hesitantly, I pulled out my phone and dialed the number. It didn’t go through. Obviously.
And then a thought struck my mind. This was an old scroll, telephones couldn’t have possibly existed back then. Maybe it was meant more… literally?
I was surprised no other teachers had come in hearing the agonized screams of my peers a few minutes earlier, and I was hesitant to test my luck now. But to save myself, and my classmates too obviously, I gathered all the breath I could take, preparing myself. Three, two, one…
“SEVEN!” I screamed, as loud as I possibly could.
Suddenly, the scroll in my hands began to glow. It levitated into the air, escaping my tight grip, unrolling longer than I had ever rolled it before. A bright golden blast filled the room. I looked away, wincing. But when I looked back, the majestic glowing scroll was now completely rerolled, in the hands of a tall, lanky guy who looked suspiciously like the Monopoly man.
“Hello, valued customer! My name is Biz Ness Mann, but you can call me Biz for short. I’m so glad to finally get out of that stupid scroll and do some sales pitching again! And what’s your name, lovely?”
“Uh-” I started.
“Uh! What a brilliant name, I say. My, it looks strangely academic in here, and kinda stinky too, huh?”
He poked the goo around with his cane.
“Ah, jeez, looks like you recited the ancient Metrom Murgin curse, huh? That one’s a doozy to undo. Oh, those poor kids. And that poor custodian! Jeez, how does it smell so bad in here?”
I cleared my throat. “Well, Biz, sir, could you please help me reverse this curse? I, well, I’m a little worried about getting arrested and throwing away my life before it’s even started, and disappointing my parents, and… yeah. Please?”
“No problem, Uh! Hmm, what was the reversal incantation for this one again… oh! Yes! Hold the scroll for me, will ya?”
Biz threw the scroll at me faster than I could blink. I yelped as I caught it, fumbling it around in my hands until I was able to get a solid grip again.
“But first! You, my dear, have got to complete some tasks for me. If you complete my seven chores before sunset tonight, the incantation is yours, heck, even the whole kit if you’d like! I’m a generous guy, aren’t I?”
“Wait, chores? Gross, why don’t you just give it to me?”
“Read the fine print, lady.”
I opened the scroll. Conditions apply. I sighed.
“Now, come on, don’t give me that look!” Biz chided. “It’s business, there’s always a catch. Look at how I’m dressed, for god’s sake! Don’t I give all those beautiful sleazy salesman vibes?”
I sighed and walked up to Biz. I didn’t want to do this, but if it meant securing my future, I had to. I extended my hand.
“I accept,” I said.
He shook my hand quickly and snapped. A small list made out of parchment paper appeared and levitated into my hand.
“Here you go, Uh! See you back here at sunset.”
And then Biz was gone.
—
Seven tasks, seven hours until sunset. One task an hour. Should be manageable.
I left my classroom, making sure to lock the door behind me. Nobody could see the goo. They probably wouldn’t have been able to tell it was the remains of dead children, but it still might’ve been cleaned up and would’ve caused a whole host of problems. But now it was time to focus on saving myself. And them too, obviously.
Task 1: Help an old lady across the street. Easy enough. I carefully left the school campus and made my way towards the busiest street in the neighborhood.
Just as I got there, I saw an elderly-looking woman making her way towards the crosswalk. Boom. I ran over to intercept her.
“Hello, ma’am!” I exclaimed cheerfully. “Would you like some help crossing the street?”
She looked at me, eyebrows raised, a little offended.
“I can handle myself,” she said. “This intersection has pedestrian signals, I’ll be fine.”
“But ma’am, the drivers in this area are a little reckless,” I said, trying to contort my face into a look of concern. “I just want you to be safe.”
“I have walked this path every day for the past twenty years. I know what I’m doing, leave me alone.”
She slammed the button on the light pole, and the pedestrian signal across the street lit up.
“Good day,” she said, angry. “And go back to class, you can’t be out this early.”
She began to walk. Not ready to give up, I followed her, holding her shoulder. She brushed me off, glaring at me.
“Stop it, child,” she growled.
“I won’t,” I replied. “I have to do this.”
“Why? To fulfill some moral obligation? I’m not a prop for you to use to show the world what a good person you are.”
“Actually, I just need to bring my classmates back to life.”
The woman froze. “What on earth are you talking about, child?”
I kept walking. “None of your business. I just need to help you, and you get some assistance. What’s the big dea-”
Suddenly, a car zoomed through the intersection behind me. I whipped my head around, only to see a puddle of blood and two slippers where the woman was before, and a trail of blood leading towards the car, now pulling over, which now had a dead old lady splat on the windshield.
Whoopsie!
I ran as far away from that intersection as I possibly could. Well, that was one more manslaughter charge I needed to avoid…
—
After hesitantly marking off the first task, I continued with the rest of them, with varying degrees of success.
Task 2, clean vulgar graffiti at the local park. I found a random half-empty bottle of black spray paint on the side of the street and used it to black as many curse words as I could find on the colorful play structures. I thought I did great, but then a mom and her little crotch goblin walked in and the kid screamed his head off when he saw it, crying in his mom’s arms. I dropped my spray bottle and ran off.
Task 3, pick up trash in the park. Well, the crotch goblin was still there and I wanted to avoid him as much as possible, so I just picked up the big litter and left the small stuff to stay there. It wouldn’t really matter, would it?
Task 4, work for an hour at a soup kitchen. I ran over to the nearest one, grabbed an apron, and dashed behind the counter, ready to serve. The other people there were a little confused, trying to get me to sign up somewhere, but I stayed because I had to. I made sure to fill people’s bowls as quickly as I could so I could get as many people done as possible.
Task 5, give a homeless person a hot meal. After spending so long at the soup kitchen, I was ready for something easier. I still had leftovers from my lunch and it was relatively warm, so I set out to find my homeless person. And I found them soon enough, lying on the sidewalk near the supermarket. Quickly, I dropped my lunchbox next to them and ran off for task 6.
Task 6, help a lost child find their parent. A bit more difficult, since it was a school day, but I could probably do it. There was a mall nearby, so I got there as soon as I could to find a lost child. It took a while, but I found one eventually. She was wandering around aimlessly and crying. I called the cops and gave them the description of the missing child in the mall. They’d take care of it.
After leaving the mall office, I looked down at my last task. I was pretty ahead of schedule, done with six tasks three hours before sunset.
Task 7, perform your oral story.
I pulled my head closer to the paper, confused. Oral story? Now? How was that even relevant? The rest of these had just been acts of kindness, why the oral story now?
Well, I didn’t have it with me right then. That was why I was in this predicament in the first place. So I had to go home and find it.
When I finally managed to get home, I snuck into my room to grab the oral story papers without my parents noticing me. It would be pretty hard to explain to them what had happened.
I inhaled, papers ready, and began to perform.
It wasn’t the best story. I probably could have done better, but I needed to get this done. I performed in an empty room, trying my hardest to accomplish the bare minimum. After five minutes, I was done. All my tasks were finished. I was ready to meet Biz again.
—
I didn’t really know where to meet Biz again. But I assumed he would be right where it all started; my classroom. So I walked back to school. My legs were aching by this point, but I didn’t care. I needed to secure my future.
I got to school. School had let out by this point, and the only people on campus were members of after school clubs still going on. I reached my classroom and tried to open the door before remembering that I had locked it. But suddenly, as I was beginning to sigh, the doorknob turned on its own and the door opened, revealing my classroom looking exactly the same as it did that morning, with all the black goo everywhere and a somehow even more rancid smell. Eugh. But I walked in, gripping my checklist tight.
“Biz?” I called. “Uh, you there?”
No response. I sat down in the only non-contaminated chair in the class, looking down.
“Uh… seven?”
BOOM. FLASH. I whirled around to see Biz appear once again, right in the middle of the classroom in a blaze of glory.
“Hello, Uh, good to see you again! Have you completed your special seven tasks?”
“Yes, I did!” I exclaimed, gleaming, holding my checklist out to Biz. “All of them complete, three hours before sunset!”
Biz snatched the checklist away from me, bringing it close to his face to scrutinize. After a few seconds, he lowered it, flashing a wide grin towards me.
“Well then, it seems you have completed the tasks!”
I smiled. Finally, it would all be over!
“However, it seems like the way you went about this, well… It had some side effects.”
Biz raised his arm, and a video of me walking with the old lady on the crosswalk materialized in the air.
“You went through each task incredibly haphazardly. Though they were all completed, the effects of your acts of goodwill caused more harm than good, bringing mostly anger and disappointment to the people you were supposed to help.”
I saw, with horror in my eyes, the car ramming full speed into the old lady.
“That woman? She had experienced so much in her life. She immigrated here twenty years ago after the death of her husband to live with her son and his family.”
The video shifted perspectives. A man stood at the scene of the car crash, bawling into his wife’s arms as his two young kids looked at him confused, a stoic cop standing there explaining that his mother had been killed.
“Okay,” I laughed, my voice uneasy. “But she was being a jerk to me anyway. If she’d just let me help her, then she would’ve survived, right?”
Biz smiled. The video shifted again.
This time, it showed me cleaning the graffiti in the park, blacking out all the curse words on the playground. I saw the little boy crying upon seeing it, wailing into his mom’s chest.
“Yeah, whatever. He’ll have to get used to black marks anyway,” I scoffed.
“That was the boy’s favorite playground. He loved the bright, lovely colors, and it was his place to get away from the bullying he faced in his preschool and from his father at home,” Biz said, that unsettling smile still on his face. Images of the boy being shoved around by his classmates and being yelled at by an older man played. “And when you desecrated that playground, he felt like he had nowhere to go, nothing left for him that would be safe for him. And it’s going to ruin him.”
The video moved forward in time. The boy no longer cried. He simply kept his head down as the bullying persisted, accepting that he was worthless. He grew up into a preteen, then a teenager, then a young adult. Then there was a gravestone.
Biz smiled at me again. I gulped uncomfortably. The scene shifted again. This time to a squirrel. Upon seeing a measly squirrel, I laughed. “A squirrel? Really?”
The squirrel wandered into the park where I had picked up the litter. It nibbled a small candy wrapper which I had neglected to throw away. And then it began to choke. The squirrel tried to gag it out, but it didn’t work, and after two minutes, it fell over and lay completely still.
“…Okay?” I said, confused. “One squirrel? Who cares about a squirrel?”
The picture moved forward in time. Multiple rodents ate the tiny wrappers still not thrown out. Dogs being walked in the park ate the tiny litter too.
“Not all of them died, but many of them fell horribly sick with the plastic in their bellies,” said Biz. “It hurt most of the wildlife and even domestic animals in the area badly. And it all could’ve been avoided…”
More pictures, shifting over and over and over again to show the far-reaching ripple effects of my hard work. The soup kitchen became closed to volunteers after my shift, leaving many hungry. The leftovers I’d given the homeless man were still contaminated with my spit, giving him a bad case of strep throat. And the cops had raided the mall and found the missing child reunited with her father, but ended up arresting the father for child neglect, and the girl was placed into foster care.
“Okay,” I said. “This is all bad, I guess, but I still did the tasks! And who was harmed by the oral story?”
“You were.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.
“Nobody would’ve liked your oral story. It was clunky, poorly performed, all over the place. Like everything you did today. It would’ve hurt you if you’d gotten the actual chance to perform it.” Biz began to leave the classroom. “So in your best interest, maybe I should leave your classroom as it is-”
“What? NO!” Horrified, I grabbed Biz’s arm. “Biz, we had a deal!”
Biz scoffed. “Come on, really? You saw me, in all my eccentricity, even saying that I’m a sleazy salesman, and you assumed I would keep a deal? Really, my darling?”
My heart pounded in horror. “No- Biz- You don’t understand-”
“I understand perfectly, sweetheart. You care for yourself. You want the best for yourself. And you refuse to think of how anyone else is affected by your actions. I completely understand who you are.”
I shook my head, my brain spiraling in a thousand directions. “I’m not a bad person!” I yelled. “I completed your tasks! I demand that you bring my classmates back to life!”
Biz laughed. “Who said anything about being a bad person? No, I don’t believe you’re a bad person. You’re just a smart one.”
I smiled in disbelief. “Really?”
“Yes! You’re just like me!”
My face dropped.
“You’re one of the smart ones. You work for yourself and yourself only. I’ve seen you all day, I know how you act and what motivates you. Greed. Doing the least possible for the most reward. Constantly working in self-preservation rather than goodwill. A perfect entrepreneur! My goodness, Uh, you’ll go very far in this mortal realm, won’t you? The poor grade you’ll get in this classroom will be a significant disadvantage to you in your future. It’s better to just, you know, get rid of them! Live for yourself, not this… silly little class, this useless class that’ll only bring you challenges!”
“But…”
“But what?”
“…they’re all dead…”
“HA! Since when do you care about the dead? You killed an old lady and a bunch of rodents today! Not to mention the people you killed indirectly! Why do you suddenly care when it’s these people?”
I didn’t respond.
“Yeah, you see? No difference! You’ll do fine without them! Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
Biz began to leave the classroom again.
“I’m off to check out this place. Man, they’ve certainly updated the area since 400 BC. It seems perfect to start another business and become the richest spirit around again. Don’t you think so, Uh?” Biz turned back to me.
I knelt down on the floor of the classroom, looking at all the black goo around me.
“Maybe,” I said, quietly.
“Well then, let’s do this!” he said. He opened the door. “Bye, Uh! See you soon!”
Biz slammed the door.
And I knelt there, surrounded by the remains of the dead children that I had killed.
Whoopsie.
