I take in a deep breath as I stand in front of the door. I glance down at sash Beth. My throat gets tight. I rub my eyes and enter the main room where a few dogs already are.
“Hi Mini!”
A little white dog runs up to me with their tail wagging. I crouch down, and rub her little curly head, making sure to get around the ears. She flops over showing her stomach, and lolls her tongue out in pure doggy contentment as I rub her belly.
“Okay, okay. That’s enough.” I laugh at the tickle on my arm from her licking.
I pull my arm away and stand, scanning the room to check the other dogs who are ignoring me.
Aw. She’s so cute! Such cute dogs! I bet it’s awesome to hang out with them all day.
“Yeah. It can be. But sometimes they can be little as…” I spot my coworker across the room. “jerks.”
Mini jumps up on my leg with a toy dangling from her mouth.
“No. Not right now.” I say pulling my leg away.
I turn to scan the room again. The other dogs are getting along. I rub the silky fabric of the sash between my fingers, thinking.
“Hey Beth, we should talk about what we’re going to do about this situation.” I say looking down at her in my hand.
Oh, ya. Probably, but now?
“Yeah, is there anything you need to be a human for soon?”
Uh, I need to get back to work soon. If I still have a job that is. I probably need to get back within the next few days. Maybe three?
“Wednesday then. That will be our deadline. Before your life gets too messed up.” I say with a grimace.
Um, okay. Sure.
“How will we…” Maxine, my coworker looks at me with a raised eyebrow.
I smile and laugh, quickly turning away to find something to do to look like I’m working.
I guess I can’t talk out loud anymore. It feels weird though.
I bend down to pick up some dog toys.
Ow!
“What?!”
I feel a pull at my waist.
“Mini! Minestrone no! Bring it here.” I say firmly.
Mini pauses to look back with sash Beth in her mouth. Her head is cocked to the side in confusion. She suddenly drops the sash and runs away. A big doberman pinscher runs up to grab it.
“No. I’m not playing.” I say attempting to hold the dog back.
Maxine swoops in and grabs sash Beth off the ground right before another dog gets it.
“Here you go.” she says.
I let go of the dog and snatch sash Beth out of her hand as the dog jumps up to grab Beth. I hold her above my head with one hand and push the dog away from me the best I can with the other.
I let out a deep breathe as Maxine pulls the dog away. I check the sash for damage.
“No buddy, no jumping. Are you okay Lily?” she says.
“Yeah, thanks.”
“No, problem. Maybe don’t bring delicate scarves to work again.” she laughs.
“Yeah. I know better now.”
I tie the sash firmly around my ponytail. “It’s a hair scarf now.” I laugh.
“Yeah, with a touch of dog slobber.” she laughs as she leaves the room.
I look down at Mini still looking at me hopefully from a few feet away, hiding under a chair.
“Aw, it’s okay. Here.” I pick up a squishy dino toy, and toss it next to her to play with.
Time moved strangely from then until lunch. Weird to have Beth at work. I talk about work all the time, and she has always wanted to meet the dogs, but she couldn’t interact or speak to them like she wanted. I tried to talk to her every chance I could to keep her from being too alone or bored, but there were constant interruptions and people watching, so I had to resort to mostly talking in my head, or our head? I don’t know.
As soon as it hit 12:30 I grabbed my stuff, and jogged out to my car.
“Whew! I’m starving!” I start the car and pull out of the parking lot. I go silent as the car ride progresses, and Beth talks about how much she loved the dogs.
I pull into my driveway and turn the car off. I stare at the stairs leading to my apartment, not really seeing.
Tears started to well in my eyes. Beth quieted.
Are you okay? She said softly.
I shake my head unable to say a word as the tears trickle past my cheeks. I reach up and untie Beth from my hair.
“I can’t. Just…” sigh.
I set Beth on the passenger seat and let the tears go.
“I can’t. I just can’t.” I beat the steering wheel with my fists.
“This is all so crazy. I just want to scream! Agh! I’m sorry Beth. I don’t mean to yell at you. I’m so tired of talking. I just wish I could be alone! I want to cry into the void and beat myself up about what a mess I made.” I wipe at my tears with the back of my hand. “My best friend died…” I take a deep breath and use my shirt collar to dry my neck. “It was my fault. I was being stupid. I should have gotten a stool or chair… but instead I climbed the bookshelf to kill a bug! A stupid bug. You were just trying to help… and then, yeah.” I lean over and pick up sash Beth. “I’m so so sorry for everything, and for yelling.”
Beth was quiet.
I.. I don’t know what to say. You… It was an accident Lily. It’s okay. I’ve already forgiven you.
“But…”
and you don’t have to talk. I’m sort of talked out and tired after all this too. I wish I could cry right now, this has all been..
“Alot, I know. I’m really sorry Beth.”
We can blame your stupid fairy godmother for the not being able to cry part, haha.
“Ha, yeah.”
“Wait, why are you damp?”
Huh?
“Like, literally. I don’t think those are my tears, it’s more spread out. Maybe you can cry?!”
What? How?
“No, wait, it was probably from being in my hair! I must have sweat or something. Sorry about that. How do I clean that?”
Ugh. I don’t think I really want to know.
