soulmates (part 1)

Summary: Lucy falls for the new girl in her class and struggles to work through her conflicting feelings as she deals with pressure from her family. 

cw: homophobia

“Why aren’t you freaking out yet?” Ana, Lucy’s best friend, narrowed her eyes suspiciously as she questioned Lucy, knowing that her friend always tried to get to class before the bell. They were in the girls’ bathroom, and Ana leaned against the wall facing the row of mirrors and sinks as she watched her friend apply makeup.

Just like she did every morning before school started, Lucy dabbed some liquid concealer onto the tiny blue star, her soulmark, tattooed on her cheek. She made sure to cover it up well so that when she stuck her face right in front of the mirror, she couldn’t see a single speck of blue on her cheek. 

As she put the cap on the bottle of concealer, Lucy turned away from the mirror and cheerily replied, “Today’s the first day of school. If I’m late, I can just use the excuse that I couldn’t find my classroom.” 

A grin spread across Ana’s face as she watched Lucy put the bottle of concealer in her backpack. “You’re just secretly freaking out, aren’t you?” 

“Okay, you got me,” Lucy briskly conceded, putting her backpack on and walking out of the girls’ bathroom with such speed that one would think she was trying to catch a flight. “I was just trying to see if this year I could learn to not freak out over being late but it’s already not working. Let’s go.”

When Ana managed to catch up to Lucy after a few seconds of helplessly trailing behind her, Ana groaned breathlessly, pushing back loose strands of hair that were flying against her face. “Stop running! We’re not going to be late.” 

“The bus got to school five minutes later than it usually does and-” Lucy turned around the corner and stopped when she saw a girl standing by the door of the classroom she was walking to. 

Ana nearly ran into Lucy just as the five-minute bell rang and cried in dismay, “Lucy! What’re you doing? That’s your first class and the five-minute bell just rang. Why’d you stop?” 

Lucy’s mouth had fallen open, but she wasn’t able to answer — she was still staring at the girl. The girl had short wavy hair that was as dark as a raven’s feathers and skin as golden as a freshly baked chocolate chip cookie. When the girl laughed, all the air inside Lucy’s lungs escaped like air hissing from a popped balloon. Lucy was entranced by the carefree sound of that girl’s laughter. The girl seemed like she didn’t have a care in the world as she chatted with her friend, and Lucy’s knees almost buckled when the girl tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear in the middle of her conversation. 

That moment was a love-at-first-sight moment that Lucy thought only happened in movies. Lucy genuinely thought that she was dreaming or stuck in a rom-com because there was no way that there was actually a girl who was as gorgeous as that girl. She didn’t dare to blink out of fear that if she did, she would be dragged out of whatever dream she was in; there was no way the prettiest girl Lucy had ever seen was standing fifteen feet away from her. 

“Oh, that’s the new student. Her name is Kayla, I think,” Ana’s eyes were also following the girl, who had entered the classroom she was standing in front of. Ana looked back at Lucy, who was practically emoting cartoon hearts with the expression she wore. “And it looks like she’s going to be in your class.” 

Lucy blinked twice, snapping out of the daze she had inadvertently fallen in, and tugged the strap of her backpack. “Well, I guess I should go. See you at lunch?” 

“Yep! Try not to tell the new girl you love her before I talk to you!” Lucy made a face at Ana’s back as Ana walked away. She brushed off non-existent crumbs from her jeans and walked into the classroom, pointedly trying to avoid looking at Kayla as she took a seat at the empty seat in the front of the classroom. Eventually, Lucy gave in to her temptation and glanced over at Kayla who was sitting in the back of the classroom, chatting with a friend. Lucy noticed the chipped nail polish on Kayla’s hand and wondered what it would feel like to hold Kayla’s hand in hers.

The sharp ring of a bell made Lucy intuitively snap her head back towards the whiteboard to see her astronomy teacher writing his name on the whiteboard in blue marker. Even though Lucy knew none of her classmates paid any attention to her, she still blushed, thinking about the fact that she could have been caught staring at Kayla. 

“Hi, welcome to astronomy class. I’m Mr. Zimmerman. We’ll be starting this year by reviewing the syllabus,” Mr. Zimmerman cheerily informed as he walked along the aisles of desks, placing sheets of paper on students’ desks. “Now, I’m sure all your teachers will give you a syllabus, but not all of your teachers will assign you a project at the beginning of the year!” 

As any group of high school students would, the entire class collectively groaned. Mr. Zimmerman continued, unbothered by the obvious exasperation of the class. “You don’t have to choose your partner for the project today, but have somebody in mind. And, as every teacher says, don’t just pick your best friend as your partner if you know you’re going to goof off instead of working. Especially because you and your partners are getting the same grade, so don’t come running to me when your best friend doesn’t want to do any of the work.” 

Lucy gave the syllabus on her desk a once-over before she glanced at the back of the classroom to sneak a look at Kayla. To Lucy’s alarm, Kayla was looking directly at Lucy. When Lucy’s walnut-brown eyes met Kayla’s coffee-colored ones, Lucy whipped her head away, pretending to go back to calmly reading the syllabus when, in reality, her heart was beating louder than drums. She tried to focus on the sound of her astronomy teacher’s voice, but she was too busy thinking about why Kayla was staring at her. 

Maybe Kayla was just taking a look around the classroom and her eyes just happened to land on Lucy the moment Lucy turned around. Or maybe, just maybe, Kayla was experiencing the same feelings that Lucy felt towards her. 

Sucking in a sharp breath, Lucy forced herself to shoot down the latter suggestion so she wouldn’t give herself false hope on the first day back at school. She still had a whole year to give herself hope that would ultimately be crushed by harsh reality.  

For the rest of her astronomy class, Lucy focused on not stealing glances at Kayla and keeping her eyes on the teacher, even if she didn’t process half of the words spewing from his mouth. The bell that concluded the end of astronomy class saved Lucy from actively worrying about Kayla confronting her, but that didn’t mean Kayla wasn’t on Lucy’s mind for the rest of the day. 

She caught herself thinking about Kayla’s bright eyes in the middle of her teachers’ introductions to her classes. She wondered why Kayla hadn’t come to the cafeteria during lunch while Lucy was eating her lunch with Ana, who had made a big deal about Lucy “falling in love” with Kayla. Even when she was eating dinner with her family, Lucy was thinking about Kayla’s lips. 

“I asked you how your day was, Lucy.” The sharp tone of Lucy’s mother’s voice yanked Lucy out of her thoughts about Kayla.

Glancing down at her bowl of rice and prodding at her uneaten pieces of broccoli, Kayla tried not to seem caught off guard and replied, “Oh, um, it was okay. I think this year will be fine. I can handle most of my classes.” 

Lucy brought her hand up to her cheek, subconsciously rubbing at her now-visible soulmark as if to make sure that no more concealer was left. She refused to let anybody at school see her soulmark, so much more visible than most soulmarks, which were often easily hidden under articles of clothing. She didn’t want her soulmate to find her, which obviously, contradicted the whole point of soulmarks. But if Lucy’s soulmate happened to go to the same school as Lucy and spotted her soulmark, then Lucy would be in a lot of trouble. 

As Lucy continued to eat her dinner, she thought to herself I wish I didn’t have to hide my soulmark. It really sucks that my parents would hate me forever if they found out my soulmate is a girl. 

She had been struggling with her sexuality for years and figured that hiding her soulmark would solve the problem of her parents finding out about her liking girls.

Lucy’s reassurance wasn’t enough to keep her mother from lecturing, “Good. You have to remember that junior year is the most important year. You have to focus on getting good grades so the colleges will be impressed with you.”

“Mhm. Yeah, I will.” Lucy tried not to sound as disinterested as she was. Even though she knew she should be focusing on her grades, she was oddly fixated on thinking about Kayla. 

“Lucy.” Lucy’s mother’s voice was even sharper than before and Lucy forced herself to give her undivided attention to her mother. Around the table, there was silence — Lucy’s grandparents were trying to avoid looking at the situation by feigning interest in their dinners, while Lucy’s father was watching with his fingers curled tightly around his bowl. Lucy’s brother was watching the conversation unfold without any shame; his eyes were wide and he glanced back and forth between Lucy and her mother. “You’ve worked so hard these past few years. Don’t let me down.”  

Hearing her mother say the phrase “Don’t let me down” reminded Lucy of the gravitas of her situation. Although she was a dumb teenager daydreaming about a girl, Lucy knew that she had to live up to her parents’ expectations and she couldn’t bear the thought of her parents finding out that she was a lesbian. Simply hearing that Lucy liked girls would be enough for all of Lucy’s hard work at school to go to waste, and Lucy would instantly be labeled as a failed child.

Instead of speaking the dangerous thoughts that were gathering in her head like a storm cloud, Lucy simply stretched a smile across her face. “Mom, I know. When have I ever let you down?”